


Runs in the Family

by LibraryMage



Series: Break Your Chains [37]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ezra Bridger: The Daddening, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 14:56:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20584388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: When Rey is hurt during training, Ezra can't help but wonder if this is the beginning of something worse.





	Runs in the Family

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt "broken limb."
> 
> warning for: broken bones; references to past child abuse; abuse victim's fears of becoming an abuser

Rey’s scream split the air and Ezra immediately dropped the wooden staff he was using as a training saber to the ground. Rey was sitting up where she had fallen, her left arm clutched against her side. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she bit down on her lower lip. Ezra rushed to her side and knelt down next to her.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Rey began nodding, then stopped and shook her head. Ezra gently drew the ten-year-old’s arm away from her side and examined it. Her wrist was one large, dark purple bruise, swollen enough that Ezra knew on sight that she wouldn’t be able to move her hand.

“It’s okay,” Ezra said. “You’ll be okay.”

He carefully gathered Rey into his arms. With her good arm, she clung to him, now sobbing into his shoulder. It was a clear sign of just how much pain she was in that she let him carry her, rather than insisting on walking by herself.

Ezra carried her up the lowered ramp of the _Ghost_, which was set down next to the _Gauntlet_. As he set Rey down on a crate in the cargo bay, she still clutched at his shirt with her uninjured hand.

“It’s okay,” Ezra said again, gently prying her hand away. “I just don’t want you trying to climb the ladder with your arm like that.”

“I can do it,” Rey said, sniffling quietly.

“Just stay here,” Ezra said, tucking a lock of Rey’s hair that had fallen out of her braid behind her ear. “I’ll be right back.”

Rey nodded and Ezra hurried to the ladder, scaling it quickly and rushing to the galley to find the medkit.

He knew that Hera wouldn’t mind him borrowing the bone-knitter, but as he retrieved it, he wondered if he should get ahold of one to keep on the _Gauntlet_. He didn’t know how often it was normal for kids to break bones, but he didn’t want to be caught without one if it happened again. So far, they’d been lucky, and Rey hadn’t suffered any major injuries, but he didn’t want to push that luck any farther than he already had.

Grabbing a bottle of mild painkillers, Ezra left the galley and headed back toward the cargo bay. As he slid down the ladder, he saw Rey waiting right where he’d left her, her arm pulled close to her chest. When she saw him, she quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her good hand. A sharp pang shot through Ezra’s chest at the sight of it as he frantically tried to think of what he’d done to make her feel like she couldn’t cry in front of him.

“Here,” Ezra said, opening the bottle of painkillers and removing a single pill, holding it out to Rey. “Take this.”

Rey took the pill from his hand and stared at it for a second before swallowing it. She’d come a long way from her early days as Ezra’s padawan, when she’d refused to take painkillers, both out of pride and fear of “wasting” them.

“This will help your arm heal,” Ezra said, sitting down on the crate beside Rey and placing the bone-knitter against her arm.

Rey’s eyes widened slightly as he switched the bone-knitter on, but she didn’t pull away.

“It feels weird,” she said, staring down at the small electrodes stuck to her arm.

“I know,” Ezra said. “But it’s faster than waiting for it to heal on its own.”

“So I can get back to training sooner?” Rey asked, managing a small smile in spite of the pain.

“You’ll need to rest your arm for a while,” Ezra said. “So no sparring.”

Rey’s shoulders slumped and she winced as she jostled her arm. Ezra forced himself not to look away; forced himself to keep looking at the damage. Damage that _he’d_ caused. He’d broken his padawan’s arm. She trusted him and he’d _hurt her_.

“Rey,” he said, a slight break in his voice. “I am so, so sorry. It was an accident.”

“It’s okay,” Rey said with a small shrug.

Ezra couldn’t help but wince at her words. It was the farthest thing from okay. He’d sworn that he would never let something like this happen, that he would never become like Maul, and now his own apprentice was trying not to cry in front him after being injured by his hand.

Looking down at the bruising on Rey’s arm, the image flashed through his mind of Maul standing over him as he lay in a heap on the floor of the cell, his broken wrist clutched against his chest. He winced as a dull ache shot through his arm. His own wrist had long since healed, but echoes of the pain from his injury still plagued him when he was faced with a reminder of that month in the cell with Maul.

“Are you okay?”

Rey’s voice jolted Ezra out of his thoughts, a painful knot of guilt forming in his stomach. He should be focusing on her, and _she_ was asking _him_ if he was okay.

“I’m fine,” he said. “It’s nothing.”

Rey blinked slowly as she looked up at him, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly.

“No, it’s not,” she said. “Something’s wrong.”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” Ezra said, forcing himself to smile. “Here. This should be okay by now.”

He switched off the bone-knitter and carefully removed the electrodes from Rey’s arm. Rey slowly flexed her fingers, a small, satisfied smile crossing her face when she was able to move them without difficulty.

“Why don’t you go take a break?” Ezra said. “I think we’re done with training for today.”

Rey stayed where she was for a moment, looking up at him with concern before sliding off of the crate and bolting toward the ladder. Ezra was relieved to see that she was careful as she scaled it, probably heading off toward Sabine’s room.

Ezra braced his hands on his knees for a moment, drawing in a long, shaking breath as he stared down at the floor. He swallowed nervously before standing up and walking back down the ramp out of the cargo bay. Some air would help him clear his head. He hoped.

As he wandered away from the ship, he sent a soft mental nudge across his bond with Rey, letting her know that he was leaving. She sent her own nudge back toward him, acknowledging his wordless message.

He hadn’t gone far when he felt another mental nudge, this one from his bond with Kanan. He shrank away from his master’s mental touch, only for a familiar warmth to flow across the bond and with it, a feeling like the mental equivalent of a hand on his shoulder. Kanan knew something was wrong, and was trying to reassure him that whatever it was, Ezra could talk to him.

Ezra hesitated for a moment, wondering if this was even something he _should_ talk to Kanan about. But wouldn’t keeping it to himself be worse? He’d spent more than half his life keeping things from Kanan, never wanting to tell him any more about what Maul had done to him than was absolutely necessary. And if something like this happened again, someone should know that it had happened before. Someone had to be ready to do something if he ever hurt Rey again.

Ezra reached out through the Force and walked deeper into the woods, following his sense of where Kanan was. It wasn’t long before he found his master seated on a fallen log.

“What are you doing all the way out here?” Ezra asked. He could tell that Kanan wasn’t meditating.

“It’s easier to get a sense of what a place looks like when I’m alone,” Kanan said.

“Should I –”

“No,” Kanan said before Ezra could ask if he should leave. “It’s alright. What happened?”

Ezra hesitated once more, then sank onto the log beside Kanan. He was surprised to find that on some level, he was actually relieved that Kanan had told him to stay. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts and his _guilt_ right now.

“I – I hurt Rey,” Ezra said, his voice breaking. Now that he’d said it, he couldn’t hold back, and the words began tumbling from his mouth so fast he could barely keep up with them. “We were training and I – I didn’t even see what happened really, it was so fast, but she – her arm – I broke her kriffing _arm_.”

He drew in a sharp breath, his hands curling into fists in his lap, his nails biting into his skin.

“Is she okay?” Kanan asked.

“Yeah,” Ezra said, squeezing his eyes shut as he nodded. “I used the bone-knitter and she – I think she’ll be fine, but I…”

He trailed off, his vision slipping out of focus as he stared down at the ground in front of him.

“It was an accident,” he said, the words coming out as barely more than a whisper. “But I – I hurt her, Kanan. I swore I never would, and I –”

Kanan’s hand closed around Ezra’s in a grip tight enough to pull him out of his own head before he began to spiral.

“Ezra,” Kanan said. “It was an accident. And Rey is fine.”

“I _know_, but –” Ezra’s voice broke off as he pulled his hand out of Kanan’s grip and hugged his arms around himself. “I – I’m –”

He couldn’t make himself say it. Giving voice to it made it too real. But he had to. He couldn’t just hide from this.

“I’m scared,” he said. “I don’t want to be like him.”

“You’re not,” Kanan said. “You didn’t mean to hurt Rey. It was an accident. You didn’t do it to be cruel.”

“Why does that matter?” Ezra asked. “She still got hurt. It was still my fault. She’s my padawan and I’m supposed to keep her safe and I did this to her.”

“Did you do it because you wanted to teach her a lesson?” Kanan asked.

“No,” Ezra said. “Of course not.”

“And did you do it to punish her for something?”

“No,” Ezra said again.

“Did you do it because you were angry at her?”

“No.”

“Then you aren’t like him,” Kanan said. He hesitated for a moment before gently squeezing his shoulder. “And I’m sure that you know that, even if you can't see it right now.”

Ezra shrugged Kanan’s hand off of his shoulder. He hadn’t come here to be comforted. He’d come here to make sure someone knew what he’d done, to make sure someone would stop it from happening again if he couldn’t stop himself, and Kanan either couldn’t or wouldn’t understand that.

“Ezra, I’ve seen you with Maul,” Kanan said. “I’ve seen the way he treated you, and what it did to you. And I’ve seen you with Rey, too. You and Maul…you couldn’t be more different.”

“Maybe not yet,” Ezra muttered. “But what if…one day…”

He trailed off, his shoulders slumping. It had been more than a year now, and the same fears that he’d had when he first took Rey in still haunted him. Fears that becoming Rey’s teacher would bring something out in him, that _this_ would be what made him become like Maul, even if he hadn’t been before. Fears that everything he’d learned from Kanan wouldn’t matter in the end, that what he’d been raised as would always win.

“I’m scared,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper now. “But I – I _know_ it was an accident, so I don’t understand _why_ I’m scared. I just know that I am and I don’t want to hurt her.”

“You said it yourself, Ezra,” Kanan said. “It was an accident. I know that you’re afraid, and I understand why. But what Maul did to you won’t turn you into him.”

Ezra didn’t respond. He didn’t know what he could say. He wanted to believe Kanan, and on some level, he almost _did_. But the sound of Rey’s scream echoed in his ears, drowning out his common sense, dragging memories of his own screams of pain and terror to the surface. He hadn’t sensed fear from her, only shock and pain and even anger directed at no one in particular. But that didn’t stop him from worrying about that nebulous someday when she might look at him and he would sense the same fear he’d lived with for so long.

“You’re a good teacher, Ezra,” Kanan said. “I wish you could see what I see. And what she does.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Ezra said, forcing the words out even though he still wasn’t convinced.

He shifted nervously where he sat, suddenly feeling almost embarrassed. He should have just told Kanan what had happened and been done with it.

“I should go,” Ezra said, standing up abruptly. “I – I need to check on Rey.”

“Ezra –”

Before Kanan could say another word, Ezra was already walking away.

* * *

Rey looked up at the sound of familiar footsteps entering the common room on the _Ghost_. She set aside the datapad she was using to work on her educational sim and looked up at Ezra. The moment she did, she sensed something that almost felt like a mental flinch inside her master’s head.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Rey said. “It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.”

“Good,” Ezra said, though he didn’t seem all that happy. “We should talk.”

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

Ezra crossed the room and sat down beside her, staring down at his hands as he rested them on the table.

“I’m so sorry about what happened,” he said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You said that already,” Rey said, looking over at him in confusion.

“I know,” Ezra said. “I just wanted to make sure you know.”

Silence fell between them for a moment and Rey could sense a whirlwind of feelings she didn’t know the names of. It was the same thing she’d felt through their bond when he’d let her know he was leaving the ship.

“Ezra,” she said quietly. “What’s wrong?”

She felt that mental flinch once again as Ezra hesitated.

“I can handle it,” she said. “I’m not a little kid. My arm was an accident, so why were you so upset?”

Ezra sighed, finally lifting his gaze from his hands to face her.

“I’ve told you about my master,” he said. “The one before Kanan.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to look away, running her finger along the edge of the table as she did so. Ezra hadn’t told her much, saying that he would explain more when she was older, but he’d told her enough to explain his nightmares and those moments when he seemed to disappear inside his own head.

“The one who hurt you,” she said, keeping her gaze on the table. It made her angrier than she knew how to put words to. Ezra was her teacher. He was her _family_, and someone had hurt him badly enough that some nights he woke up crying, trying to hide it from her before she could see.

“That’s why I was – why I reacted like that,” Ezra said. “When you got hurt, it reminded me of how he used to hurt me. I’m scared of hurting you the same way.”

“But you didn’t,” Rey said, tearing her gaze away from the table to look up at him, now even more confused than she had been before. “It was an accident.”

“I know,” Ezra said. “And I’m glad you know that, too.”

Once again, everything was silent, but Rey could feel Ezra’s mind at work, trying to figure out how to say what he was thinking.

“Rey,” he said, his voice quiet as he gently rested a hand on her shoulder. “If you ever feel scared by something I do, you can tell me. I _want_ you to tell me.”

“I’m not scared,” Rey said quickly. Her shoulders slumped as she dropped her gaze back to the table.

“Not of that,” she muttered.

“But there’s something you’re scared of,” Ezra said. It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t want you to stop teaching me just because you’re scared,” Rey said, a small tremor working its way into her voice even as she tried to force it out.

Ezra’s arm slid around Rey’s shoulders and Rey scooted closer to him, leaning against his side. It wasn’t often she let anyone touch her like this, and Ezra was the one who got to do it the most.

“I won’t,” Ezra said. “I’d never just leave you like that.”

“Promise?” Rey asked.

“Promise.”

Rey curled up against Ezra’s side, trying to let herself take comfort in the warmth of his arm around her shoulders and the soft pulse of reassurance that was flowing across their bond.

“Dad,” she said. She felt Ezra stiffen up beside her as she spoke. “I’m not scared of you. I know it was an accident.”

“Good,” Ezra said, pulling her into a tighter hug. His voice was cracking slightly and Rey didn’t know why. “I’m glad.”

“You’re squishing me,” Rey said, smiling as she buried her face in Ezra’s shoulder.

“I know.”


End file.
